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Text version of the episode:
Last March I had top surgery. It was definitely one of the hardest things physically that I have ever been through. I’ve ran a half marathon once, that was painful. I’ve never even broken a bone. I guess I’ve had a pretty easy life when it comes to physical things for the most part, and I am grateful for that. Top surgery was something that I had dreamed about and planned for for many years.
The surgery went fine, and I remember waking up from it and for the first day, there was no pain. Lots of stiffness but I was still pretty high and out of it from the medications. But the first night, and the next day, and the second night, and every day and night for the next week were terrible, and so incredibly painful. NIghts were the worst. I had to sleep sitting up and my butt would go numb and my feet would tingle and fall asleep and every time I would wake up from ten or fifteen minutes of sleeping, I was stiff and hurting and just overwhelmed by pain. But one of the worst parts of the recovery process was the fact that I wasn’t allowed to take a shower for the first week.
I’m a very clean person and I really value being able to clean myself daily — I have a skin condition that causes me to need to stay as clean and dry as possible. So this was really a specific type of torture for me.
One of the most poignant memories of the recovery time was the fifth day. I woke up and just decided “You know what, I need to shower. I can’t take this anymore.” And I got up and got myself into the bathroom, and I had to ask for help to turn on the shower and get the attachment into my hands, because I wasn’t able to lift my arms above chest height, or pick up anything heavier than a piece of paper. But I finally got into the shower and I remember standing there under the water and washing the bottom half of my body and then just stood there, sobbing tears of relief, frustration, joy, and pain the entire shower.
I’ll never take the ability to move around freely and without pain for granted, ever again.